Ever Wonder?

Ever Wonder?.........

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting
something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone
would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time,
on a hill, in the fog.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it...except for the
other foot.

The things that come to those who wait will be the things left
By those who got there first.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish
and he will sit in a boat all day.

Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of
12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If a mute swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?

If someone has a mid-life crises while playing hide & seek, does he automatically lose because he can’t find himself?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Just "before" someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their picket signs?

When you open a new bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you’re just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren’t afraid to have a Chapter 11?

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do steam irons have a permanent press setting?

Can you be a closet claustrophobic?

Does the Postmaster General need a stamp of approval?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?

What’s another word for Thesaurus?

If the funeral procession is at night, do they drive with their lights off?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If you’re cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read all right?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

When it rains, why don’t sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal that eats only endangered plants?

Atheism is a non prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have
monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where
all the bad girls live.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would it be called Fed UP?

Five out of four people have trouble with fractions.

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

What hair color do they put on the driver's license of bald men?

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?

Veni, vidi, Visa: I came, I saw, I did a little shopping.

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what, exactly, are the others here for?

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

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