Talking An open letter from a Most Yeligible Bachellar

Madam:



I am an olden young uncle living only with myself in xxxxxx city . Having

seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself

on you and hope you will take me nicely.



I am a soiled son from inside xxxx(state). I am nice and big, six foot

tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I

am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket

and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in

for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my

rapid balls that bounce a lot.



I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am

jolly. I am gay.



Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always

giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on

top. That is how nice I am.



I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking

tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am

pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you

can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.



I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for

you. I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What

to do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I

am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my

things into your hand.



If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you

very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the

gym.



If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you

and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your

nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting

very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.



Expecting soon,



Yours and only yours

Nice joke!

After hearing that new salesman is doing wonders in sales and increasing revenues, owner of the shop suddenly visits the shop to check on him!
When he enters he sees that salesman is selling a Fishing rod to a customer! When customer buys fishing rod, salesone asks him "Are you going fishing with those nice shoes?? Go for these rubber boots instead!".
Customer agrees with him and buys the shoes also.
Again salesman says "You would be sitting in sun whole day, why dont you buy this hat also??''
Customer again admires his suggestion and buys a cap also.
Next Salesman says "You would be hungry while fishing, why dont you buy some chips and beers to keep you cool?""
Again admiring his longterm thinking customer buys chips and beers!
Salesman goes again "Now that you have beer why dont you buy a cooler and some ice so you get icecooled beers every time you need?"
Finally after selling all this items, bill comes to almost 5000 rupees!
Customers pays and leaves happily!
Shop owner, really amazed with salesman talent, comes congratulates him on his skills and says "You are really a amazing salesman! That poor fellow came just for fishing rod and you sold him so many things. Increased our sales and at the same time make him feel not looted but happy! I must say you are the best sales man I ever had!"
Salesman cooly says "Who said he came to buy fishing rod? He came to buy sanitary napkins for his wife. I simply told him that as your wife would be of no use to you for next four days, what would you do sitting alone in house?? Go fishing!!"

33 Facts about Guyz

*really very true........ ...........

*Believe it or not.......

1. Guys don't actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat
and presentable girls.

2.When a guy says he doesn't understand you, it simply means you're not
thinking the way he is.

3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep,
they always think about the girl they truly care about ..

4. When a guy really likes you, he'll disregard all your bad
characteristics.

5. Guys go crazy over a girl's smile.

6. Guys will do anything just to get the girl's attention.

7 When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".
.... so true.

8. Guys love their moms.

9. A guy often thinks about the girl who likes him. But this doesn't
mean that the guy likes her.

10. Like Eve, girls are guys' weaknesses.

11. Guys are very open about themselves.

12. Guys hate it when their clothes get dirty. Even a small dot.

13. Guys really admire girls that they like even if they're not that
much pretty.

14. Guys keep secrets that girls tell them.

15. Guys think too much.

16. Guys fantasies are unlimited.

17. Girls' height doesn't really matter to a guy but her weight
does! ... very true.

18. Guys tend to get serious with their relationship and become too
possessive.

19. Guys are more talkative than girls are especially when the topic is
about girls.

20. Guys hate girls who overreact.

Top 27 unbelievable facts that people don't know...

27. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

26. The average chocolate bar has 8 insect legs in it.

25. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people do.

24. Its impossible to smoke oneself to death with weed. You won't be
able to retain enough motor control and consciousness to do so after
such a large amount. (Common Sense)

23. Uncle Phil, from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, did the voice of
Shredder in the TMNT cartoon.

22. Every drop of seawater contains approximately 1 billion gold atoms.

21. The US national anthem actually has three verses, but everyone
just knows the first one.

20. During World War II, IBM built the computers the Nazis used to
manage their death/concentration camps.

19. The total combined weight of the worlds ant population is heavier
than the weight of the human population.

18. The deadliest war in history excluding World War II was a civil
war in China in the 1850s in which the rebels were led by a man who
thought he was the brother of Jesus Christ.

17. Just about 3 people are born every second, and about 1.3333 people
die every second. The result is about a 2 and 2/3 net increase of
people every second. Almost 10 people more live on this Earth now,
than before you finished reading this.

16. Happy Birthday (the song) is copyrighted.

15. The number of people alive on earth right now is higher than the
number of all the people that have died. Ever.

14. The average American consumes 1.2 pounds of spider eggs a year and
eat 2.5 pounds of insect parts a year.

13. The Kamp Krusty episode of the Simpson's was originally meant to
be made as the Simpsons movie.

12. Men can breastfeed babies.

11. There is a rare condition called Exploding Head Syndrome which
you've probably never heard of.

10. Scientists have determined that fungi are more closely related to
human beings and animals than to other plants.

9. In some (maybe all) Asian countries, the family name is written
first and the individual name written second (opposite of the America
method). That's why Asian athletes like Yao Ming and Ichiro Suzuki
have Yao and Ichiro written on their jerseys. Those are their family
names and in America their names are written Ming Yao and Suzuki
Ichiro.

8. Abe Lincoln bought 50 cents worth of cocaine in 1860

7. A German World War II submarine was sunk due to malfunction of the toilet.

6. Washington State has the longest single beach in the United States.
Long Beach, WA.

5. The largest living thing on the face of the Earth is a mushroom
underground in Oregon, it measures three and a half miles in diameter.

4. The town of Los Angeles, California, was originally named El Pueblo
la Nuestra Senora de Reina de los Angeles de la Porciuncula.

3. 9 out of 10 people believe Thomas Edison invented the light bulb.
This isn't true; Joseph Swan did.

2. Honey is the only food that does not spoil. Honey found in the
tombs of Egyptian pharaohs has been tasted by archaeologists and found
edible.

1. The Population of the world can live within the state boundaries of Texas.

ROAD to CRICKET WORLD CUP 2007

MY ATTEMPT IN THIS THREAD IS TO BRING AHEAD A GENUINE ASSESSMENT OF WHATS TO BE DONE TO TAKE US CLOSER TO WORLD CUP WHICH IS JUST MONTHS AWAY… AND NOT TO START A CONTROVERSY… SO ALL THE OPINIONS ABOVE HAVE BEEN THOUGHT WITH SINCERTY AND MY PASSION TOWARDS CRICKET…. SO KINDLY AVOID ANY PARTIAL AND ONE SIDED COMMENTS… THIS IS FOR GENUINE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO PUT SOME EFFORT IN SHARING THEIR VALUABLE COMMENTS AND STRATEGIES…

TEAM:
—-
No big changes in team… but just 2 …

1) Sachin Tendulkar
2) Sehwag
3) Dravid/Dhoni <—– first change rather make-shift change
4) Ganguly/Dhoni <—– second make-shift change
5) Yuvraj
6) Dhoni
7) Kaif
Pathan
9) Agarkar
10) Bhajji
11) Munaf

RPSIngh/Sreesanth are the reserves….

My assessment abt our players…

Ganguly:
Dont Start Shouting…
The simple reason i included Ganguly is i find the so-called great younsters suck big time against medium pace and Spinners….This is the time Ganguly will floruish… and once he sets in everyone knows what he is capable of in the last few overs… be it any one (Except Akhthar ) get the best man for the best job ,mainly for the slow Winides tracks… Simple… I accept Raina is waaaaay ahead in fielding… but that alone is not going to win u the world cup… remember one thing, what ever india does… its only the 7 batsman strategy which will save india… nothing else…Cos the probablity of top 7 scoring big is more than top 5 or top 6…. India always needs a player getting big and others score around him….
Best example for comeback from a loooong bad form is Mahela jayawardane who is not even half good a player of Ganguly’s calibre, especially in ODI’s…. SO…
And TO hell with what Chappell would feel if Ganguly is in the team… if winning is his aim and goal, Chappel should pick Ganguly for the reasons quoted above….He has unnecessailry started rumours of the team having problems with him…. Silly mind….his cunning suggestions would be of much use to Dravid… And furthermore Ganguly looks more committed and focussed… come on… its a question of a Brave and fighting exit for Cricket which he is known for…

Sachin:
No worries… he will play those one or two innings which will ensure us victories… but i was beginning to enjoy his bowling but sadly he is not able to… lets see…

Dhoni:
As Srikanth and Rajan Bala mentioned in their columns, he is being wasted through out the west-indies series and more in Malaysia…. what is the use of allowing him to get rusty and sending to consolidate after the most of the damage has been done… infact in the decider against Aussies he should have been sent as a pinch hitter… i dont know what Chappel has told him… but looked to have a lot of respect for Aussies… which he need not have… some body who takes on Akhthar, Vass and Murali can tonk Mc Grath.. no problem… This F$$ker Chappel must have scared him…
Dhoni is a must in the top 4… but if the situation is like a 100/2 then Dhoni need not be sent up….
but if its 10/2 etc… while chasing small totals like 220, then he is a must and needs to spank the ball around like anything… for even a quick 35 will take the score to say 70… 80 odd For 3… and the others can somewhat take a breather and score normally… incase he goes on to make 70-80 then match will be won in no time…. U need to play brave innings like aussies…. he is one guy who takes smart calculated risks… its just that he is being put into lot of awkward situations…

Sehwag:
we need to wait for sometime cos… this guy… when he hits… he usually puts the opposition out of contention and mind u still his wicket is being celebrated like hell by the opposition which is a good sign… Needs to open though… Middle order Sehwag is not needed… he can rather be dropped…

Dravid:
No worries… This guy is somewhat over cautious and over worked…. he will comeback…. Ponting himself has not done much since that blitz in S.Africa…. Look what happens if Dravid does not play… so many quick wickets….

Pathan:
A He-man one day and a “No Man” another day… is swinging his willow… though… a Neat Asset…Woudl be handy against Bangaldesh and Zimbabwe with five-fors

Yuvi:
Needs to be dropped a couple of times so that he will comeback double strong..Holds the key to World Cup…. Since he looked most comfortable in W.Indies

Kaif:
Nowadays contributing only in Field….Sole and best reason he needs to be in the team… he has been given ample match winning situations where he has let us miserably down… he is very very awkward in his gameplay nowadays… and please change that stupid stance… Craig McMillan’s stance is better

Agarkar:
All this guy needs to do is work on line and length like he has been doing so well for the past few months… if only he has this consistent discipline he would be ranked among the top bowlers… cos he has a knack of breaking vital partnerships… thanks god its been some time since we saw those “10-0-75-1″ stats … Brett Lee calls him one of the best bowlers and Aussies give him some respect since his match winning 6-41 in Adelaide in 2004… Needs to work on his reverse swing as he is India’s best bet at doing so…

Bhajji:
He has been at his measly best and would be a deadly bowler in slow tracks of West Indies… he needs to stop those full length faster ones bowled on leg stump… a man of his experience shoudl not do that … needs to be bold enuff to start bowling the doosra … Risky though as he may be suspended… but 1 or 2 balls… Would love to see him toy with Ponting….cos many might have forgotten that he made ponting dance in the WC 03 final and almost had him 4-5 times. Only after he finished his bowling was Ponting able to play freely…. What i like to see is the Pale, Terror-striken face of Ponting when he plays Bhajji….

Munaf:
Looks to be very disciplined although seems to lose rhythm during slog overs when he gets hit all over the park… needs to bowl his deadly late swinging yorkers… A Deadly Weapon…

Only 2 things India mainly need to work on

1) Unnecessary Tensed up bowling during last 10 overs leading to match turning situations… lot of times oppositions who stood at 160-5 in 40 overs have gone on to hit 240… India needs to kill the tail with Munaf….

2) Very Bad Hitting during the last 10 overs… India tend to collapse in last 10 overs were they play ridiculous shots to get out…Normal shots would get us 65-70 runs…

If the above 2 points are corrected even to 70 % … we have the best shot at the CUP….

Sehwag/Yuvi should comfortably fill the 5th bowler slot….

Already i feel india management should and must be regretting the vital mistake they made during WC 2003 when they made a deadly mistake of dropping LAXMAN for DINESH for just his “fielding qualities” when we all know that Laxman is not at all a bad slipper…. He would have been our best bet in bouncy tracks… which he showed later in 2004 in australia… And ironically both matches against aussies in WC03 were disasters as we could not handle pace…..So place bet on Batting depth more than fielding…

And one advice to Indian Team Think-Tank Especially that mad guy called Chappel who seems to make everyone think as if he is a genius…

1) Stop Mad/Extreme experimentation
2) Stop these Time-wasting boot Camps, oneness stays etc…
3) Spend time on working out real strategies and have atleast 2 backup plans for all situations … even for D/L if possible… as fears of rain are there …. WORK OUT THE SLOG OVER BOWLING/BATTING

Deadly batsmen who might Torment India

1) Ponting (of course!!!!Not if Bhajji is bowling though )
2) Hussey
3) Martyn
4) Gilchrist
5) kevin Peterson
6) Flintoff
7) Trescothick
Chris Gayle
9) Sarwan
10) ChanderPaul
11) jayasuriya (God save us…he must not be able to bat against us)
12) Mahela
13) All the Pakistani Top 7(Thank God there is no Saeed Anwar Only 7 Batsman to be afraid of)
14) Fleming
15) Graeme Smith
16) Gibbs
17) kallis (Not much of a threat but he will occupy the crease)

The reason for leaving out players like Brian Lara and Sangakkara are that so far they have not been doing well against us in big matches

Deadly Bowlers

1) Shane Bond (Self Explanatory reasons)
2) Mcgrath (Some body needs to be picked to hit this guy)
3) Brett Lee (Need to hit him out of the attack)
4) Vaas (come on Dhoni… he is ur bunny)
5) Murali (Yuvraj… This is ur last chance against Murali in a WC.. Do it alteast this time)
6) FlintOff (since he has learned to bowl short against India and worked it out beautifully in their test victory here in India)
7) Naved Rana (Luckiest Bowler who gets wickets in a gift wrapper)
Akhthar (Sachin, Dhoni, Sehwag… he is all yours)
9) Asif (a silent threat????)
10) Pollock

Johnson, D.R. Smith ??????? Who Knows….

I will continue churning out more comments…

Lets hope to keep this thread alive till World Cup

Love Unconditionally, Before its too late,moral of life

A story is told about a soldier who was finally coming home after
having fought in Kargil. He called his parents from Delhi.

“Mom and Dad, I’m coming home, but I’ve a favor to ask. I have a friend
I’d like to bring home with me.”

“Sure,” they replied, “we’d love to meet him.”

“There’s something you should know the son continued, “he was hurt
pretty badly in the fighting. He stepped on a land mind & lost an arm and a
leg. He has nowhere else to go, & I want him to come live with us.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, son. Maybe we can help him find somewhere to
live.”

“No, Mom & Dad, I want him to live with us.”

“Son,” said the father, “you don’t know what you’re asking. Someone
with such a handicap would be a terrible burden on us. We’ve our own lives
to live, & we can’t let something like this interfere with our lives. I
think you should just come home and forget about this guy. He’ll find a
way to live on his own.”

At that point, the son hung up the phone. The parents heard nothing
more from him. A few days later, however, they received a call from the
J&K police. Their son had died after falling from a building, they were
told. The police believed it was suicide. The grief-stricken parents
flew to Sri Nagar and were taken to the city morgue to identify the body
of their son. They recognized him, but to their horror they also
discovered something they didn’t know, their son had only one arm and one leg.

The parents in this story are like many of us. We find it easy to love
those who are good-looking or fun to have around, but we don’t like
people who inconvenience us or make us feel uncomfortable. We would rather
stay away from people who aren’t as healthy, beautiful, or smart as we
are. Thankfully, there’s someone who won’t treat us that way. Someone
who loves us with an unconditional love that welcomes us into the
forever family, regardless of how messed up we are.